what it takes

The two-weeks vacation is over. We went to Al-Khobar City_which is in Saudi Arabia_ and since we live in Riyadh_which there is no sea in_ we find Al-Khobar City the perfect spot for vacations, especially around this time of the year. We had great time in there, did both boating and motor-cycling, and boy....that was kinda odd for us to see the desert on  one side and the sea on the right opposite side. Beautiful scene, and great weather. Actually, I will show you some of the photos that I took from this trip, and I just need time to put them on a new post, so wait for that, coz I really think the photos are pretty and they have story

:)

Nothing much now after the trip...just that I lost my bedroom's key during the trip I guess; and had to spend the night on the coach  T_T 

My sister and her kids came over yesterday, they live in Qatar which is outside our country, and I guess we're having them for propebly a week or so....so excited for that!!! I can't tell you how much I love my little two neices...just adore them. My sister is about nine years older then me and finally I'm on a proper age where out thoughts can across each othere since we weren't close before when I was young, I couldn't understand her and she didn't either! But now we are both mature 

She just left me after a loooooooong conversation about  random things, you know, stuff that two sisters would share , and now I'm alone swimming again with my thoughts. Why can't I just skip this part of my life hahahah !!  ^-^ I always observe things and always think deeply about them

I was thinking: what it took me to be able to have conversations with my sister? Is it because of my age? That now I'm old enough? What it takes to be mature

?

I don't think it's because I'm twenty now, or at least not only because of that. I think it's impossible to have mature conversations with adults all the time. Adults are not mature all the time, and some of them are completely immature

I always thought when I was a child that what distincts adults from children is maturity, and now I just found out that I was wrong. I may understand life better than a man in his thirtees. I'm not saying though that I'm sure about myself but I feel confident when it comes to this part. I guess I'm in the process of being mature..I think about life alot. I detail things and investigate its roots and sources, more of a philosopher. I 

don't think that things that happens to us are random but had reason and meaning

The things you see, are usually seen by lots of other people. The issues that tears you apart in your life surley have teared lots of ther people before you. We live the same life basically but we differ in circumstances. But why my eyes are opened widly? Is it because I think too much? and  I just ask myself: Is the thinking productive or not?

Have I bettered things out after that productive thinking? Have I managed my problems after that productive thinking? Do I live a better life now after that deep productive thinking? What kind of good life that I live now?   

I believe that maturity is reached through asking yourself these questions. The moment you start thinking and truly thinking, you may reach  that great trade

Has age anything to do with it? after my argument above: Do you think that 

 in order to have mature conversation, you have to be old?

What it takes then

??

Happy Day

What a happy day I had today!! It's officially our first day in vacation, only two-weeks break for the Adha

Eid, and my family decided to go camping! but there is no mountains near our city :) it's a desert...and it was damn cold ukkkkkkk !

Great timing coz I was about to go mad over all of the things I had to go through! worrying over my mom's health, worrying over my school, and recently worrying over my grandma! Waoof !!! What a strong head that was able to keep all these things inside! But I'm having a happy day today

:)

The peace I needed so much during this tough time came to me only through keeping God inside my heart..I kept thinking God is with me.. will never leave me alone..I figured out that may be I should work harder so 

I can be on a near level to reach God. For further explaination, I decided that I will do more of  good things to people on a dialy basis, and  in my heart I wish God accept them so He answer all of my prayers: I go to the supermarket everyday and buy some juice and cup-cakes and on the way back I give them to any worker-lady I see, coz usually they are poor and they work hard in cleaning up the university and they don't have time to eat something except for a humble breakfast in the morning, and I know this is nothing but at least I'm doing good things...I would do anything to be a good person in front of God

See...this is the thing we learn from ever since KG, that God is with us all the time and that He hears and watch us with each heart-beat for the rest of of our lives. Therefore, I know He is with me. If He is not, then I wonder who created us? this world? and what is the purpose?  This amazing work must've been the work of HIM

The days I can't keep my promise, I instead devote two minutes of my time to have an immediate contact with God through the prayer at night, this is basically the way Muslims reach God: in a direct way. And I put all my hopes in God to keep me all together to face this life

If you think that I'm having serious problems, I'd say I'm the most lukiest person on earth for I've been blessed with so many things that I'm thankful for; but I just observe life from a serious perspective. I'm only twenty and I'm totally a normal college girl who is totally obsessed with Asain dramas, and pretty much a shopholic one, love shopping to death, and I totally RocK :) It's just that I'm not shallow...I believe in my identity, and I'm just trying to live a good life, a life that combines both fun with rational way of living

I originally created this blog, to share with you the lesson that I everyday observe, and I use the verb "observe" coz those lessons are never obvious to us..we either learn them through experiencing them ourselves or from other people who did. So, I guess I I'm doing an extra good thing here :)

Guilty

I had to re-feel it one more time..I have another grandmother. She used to check on my nails, are they cut

or kept long, everytime I visit her, since we don't live together. I am accostamed to that regular check now,

even though I resent it, hate it, and wonder about its significane to my grandmother!

But on this previous Wednesday, no nails were checked. What a weird hour I spent with grandma! There

was somehing else that makes it even stranger; but I couldn't tell immediately. She looked too thin, thinner

than a stick. Her hands were all bones covered by skin. My grandma looks too old than my last visit to her

several months ago.

I had another grandmother who passed away couple of years ago, still smell her everytime I walk in to her

room; and my alive grandma looks just like her now.

Mainly, I was visiting my sick father, and during all the time, he couldn't sit right where he was: he needed to

be next to his mother. I have seen my father so close to his mother, but that Wednesday my dad was too

compassionate with her. At one point, I asked him if he would like me to raise the voice of the TV and he

said yes; so I went to the TV to do so and while doing that I heard my grandma asking my dad of his name!

I just stared at her and forgot about the botton I'm pointing at. My dad noticed that I've heard her and just

gave me a quick glance: like he didn't want me to know that my grandmother is having Zohaimar.

Two days after that, never occured to my mind that topic. But on Friday, during a shower I just took; I

collapsed. I'm now experiencing the terrible feeling I had with my late grandma. I can't bare the thought of

losing my other one.

The guilt has started to dig into my heart.I'm running out of time

now. I didn't do good things to her  yet, I have always been

planning to visit her more frequently; but never did. I have

planned to tell her stories to amuse her, coz she is lonely since she

is an old blinded women with no doughters but one grand-

doughter taking care of her; and she is alone most of the time in

her room.

Several months ago, she would  remember what I would do to her,

she would feel it. Now, she doesn't remember anything. No good

things are to be remembered now. I feel guilty. I have wasted all that time.

My heart, is almost...almost teared into halfs. I have more tears inside my eyes than anyone can ever imagine.

I can't bare the guilt. I know these few coming years are the last years of her life. I'm saying good-bye

already.

Weird Day upon Weird Life

It's Thursday morning right now as I write, but I'm still not yet done with Wednesday. What a weird Wed !!
My older half-brother visited me all the sudden with the news of my father's sudden sikness, so I knew I had to go. I brought with me flowers with lots of different kinds of chocolate and mostly the "Maamoul" that Saudies are famous with. I bought the Mamoul for my grandmother. I have been through this once before, besides, I'm an adult now, I can handle seeing my father like that. I rarely see him in the first place, but now I have twice seen him weak.

My strong, tall, well-shaped feature man, is now sitting in front of me, with his body litraly been cut into halfs. I have never seen something quite like that in my whole life. I have never seen a man so sick, as how my father looked yesterday.

I didn't know what to feel exactly? Am I sad? Am I almost in tears? Am I paling, understand nothing about what exactly is happenning? Am I feeling for my father-am I his doughter? Is he is my father?

I couldn't identify it to be certain, I felt extremely sorry for him, never imagined that that could happen in a normal Wednesday, however, I felt like an outsider, as if am visiting my second relative, may be even more far than just that!

What a waste of life !!  What a waste of a father!! What a waste of a doughter!
It's too late to go back and collect our remainings. There is no way, my father and I can catch it up and re-do it agian. This relationship is imposible from the beginning.

It's sad, that my dad is not able to see me, nor appreciate me. He didn't seem to be caring about me much, even though my half-brother told me that when my father was in the hospital this week; he asked about me, and therefore he sent my half-brother to bring me to him. 

The way my dad cares about me is a way that I don't believe is the right way. I see how he treats my half-brothers, and I see how he treats me. I do my best and he does what he is able to do.

The whole time during my visit, I showed my generousity to the best I can, then I was ignored, and then I returned home, not even once been asked the same questions that he asked his other kids.

I just recognized how life is weird. Lives are been ruined for the rest of their lives. Who is to blame when a child spends his whole childhood and all his life without a father? Who is to blame? 

Ironically, I don't blame dad, nor do I blame anybody else! If I blame him then I wouldn't be kind with him.
Life is being weird, to show us what normal: If we know what is normal directly, then we wouldn't have to live this weirdness!

?Are You Truely You

I woke up this morning and decided to act myself and be myself from now on

Just as simple as that ^^

I have abserved myself lately..And I'm becoming like them!

I've noticed that I'm starting to become all that I hated in some people:

caring only about what other people might think of me 24/7

caring only about my appearance, and not in a good way, I mean, I'm becoming materialistic; I keep wondering all the time, "Do I look like them?"

Everything that I've hated about them

But that's it!

I'm going to ride that bus and go to college, and be who I actually am.

I wear make-up, but only wear it for myself esteem.

Enough with expectations..Enough with fakeness..

So I went to college today..I put my honest and pure smile on my face: sure I had the thought of being an outsider..I thought may be it's too risky to act like me in fron of them!

But then, what made me calm down is when a question occured to my mind, "Would you really wanna meet someone like you who is never relaxed around people, and would act the way he/she wrongly think they  would accept?"

"What un ugly character! Who would put a mask on his face only because other people are wearring it?"

I thought to myself. I mocked my fake-me, "I would never like to meet a person like that!" .

It's my first day back to my true-me

go easy on me ^^

_________________________________

In Quraan, Allah says that all human beings are a 100% equal. The only difference between them is

the goodness and the virtuality they have in their hearts.

the pen that can change the world

It's strange for me to admit to myself that education is the only aspect of my life that I seem to be successful in it. All what I can do at this stage of my life is to get educated. And that's what I can do very well. Education was the way God Has saved me through. I was a miserable highschool -student who couldn't be any worse in Mathmatics than I was. I had no hope of entry to college. I was going to stay at home and propably my parent_I wouldn't say parent(s)for my mom has always charished my presence_ would have get red of me and let me get married; because sometimes in our community that what happenes for uneducated girls. A bless from Allah that saved my soul and I was accepted at my university, but not so easily. College didn't believe in me. It fought for its right to choose only the girls it thought good enough. I wasn't considered good enough. However, I was saved and I got the chance to prove to them that I can be one brilliant student that they would all wish if they didn't rush in their descigion back then.

So why it is important to me that I get educated? Why do I have to be accepted? Why do I have to succeed? Education is the only way for me to be proud. To feel that I am something. I am someone. I am the one that can be active in the society and perhaps the world. In the course of two years, I have acheived so many things that I have always dreamt of. I have accomplished things that I could never been able to do if I was sitting at home.

I was no one. I made my own name, and I am trying to build my future through this path. I'm planning on finishing college with high degrees, and be the man of the family that my family never had. Our society does not believe in me. Could our society though help me build my bright future? So if the boys were preferred over girls; then how come girls are the ones who support their families all the time

?

they pretend that men are the ones that take good care of the society; but why then we never see them supporting us? _ Us meaning the society as a whole _ So why till this day we see fathers favoring their sons to go abroad and study ? do they really study

My Mom though believes in me. She has put all her efforts on me so I can be the citizen my society would be proud of . I took all that strength and carried it along with me; so I would never give up on makig myself clear. I will keep fighting till my father eventually believes that only his girls can save his firm, and so for the other girls in my society

So even if I can never study abroad, nor can I ever be someone to my father's eyes: I'll continue on to prove myself and that I am an important being. Education is really important for girls and we should give it attention. Hopefully this attitude towards educating girls will chaneg, through someone's pen

.....

Three NOSTALGIC years

ever since I have graduated from highschool, this feeling has always been with me wherever I went and whenever. My whole life took another turn since highschool. Nothing is really the same; but not necesserily in a bad way. It's quite wierd, but when I feel that way I feel as if I'm fifty years old. I no longer feel that I'm 19 or 20, at least not from within. It's like I have died after my graduation and ever since then my spirit is flowing to see what happened for 3 years after my death! I know It's a bit hard to explaine; but this is what's actually happenning to me. They say_or in other words_ Try to make the good out of the bad, and take advantage of every single thing you have.

So what do I have? I actually have it all_lucky me_ but I don't seem to be enjoying it; because my spirit is flowing as I've said before. I can only wish that time would slow down a bit; so I can figure out things better and know how to enjoy life. I truely feel overwhelmed by the blessings of God. I know that I should be considered one of the luckiests. However, my own interpretation of Luck is to know how to realize and understand the blessings one self has

You are lucky if you can enjoy what you have. Why it's either to feel nostalgic or to wonder about the future? why can't we enjoy our present. I think if I can stop thinking about the future and stop having those nostalgic nights; I'd be more happy about my present. If we know that the past is a past, and the future is unpredictable; then we might have bigger chances in figuring out our happiness. .

I fly here and there, my spirit is in a constant hunger to return to its original home. While I do that, I try to live the best way I can. There has to be a worthy reason for our presence. We don't actually live and then die for no true reasons. For whatever reason is that, I'll learn how to live my life day by day. I'll do good things. I'll make the people who care for me happy. I'll make a point. I'll do whatever it takes to let my past rest in peace and try to live my present

Mind rushes before school starts

It's about time to go back to school! next Sat is propably going to be my fisrt day in my sixth semester..English Literature major. So many things I'm thinking about, so many things I wanna do, so many things I have to do before this Sat, and so many ruined things I wanna fix. For the ruined things that I wanna repair and fix: is my relationships with some of my professors and others. Last semester I wasn't slowing down I guess..and I made a couple of mistakes. I didn't apperciate the goodness of a professor of mine..I respected her from within but never in action. Usually when two people differs in style, the next thing happens is that they start to misunderstand each other. For what happened between me and my professor_that I believe now is the best teacher in the department_ I acted myself and she didn't apperciate having a person like me in her class..I speak my mind POLITLY about the material and never give up on making people understand my point! I just wanted to have the freedom to speak my mind and she wanted a quiet student I guess. This summer I had the flashbacks and I kept remembering her treating me very well even though she didn't like my attitude. That's in itself is a rare trate to see in one's personality.You are really a nice person from inside if you treat everyone farely even with difference in attitudes and personalities among people. I can now understand her and I would like to shade all the bad stuff she propably was thinking of me. This ruined relationship I would love to repair and fix once this semester begins. Other than that, nothing in my mind is serious..just that I have sooooo many things I wanna do before next Sat!

I'm planning on visiting my dentist for regular check..I keep planning for that and it never happens hehehe ! also I'd like to go to the salon and hopefully it'll turn out to be ok...Yah that and this.. and my mind is rushing before school

----------------------
never leave ruined stuff in your life behind you

Children's power

Kids are so amazing..they are little creatures with a Gold Memory. Don't be surprised but they understand situations in life more than grown-up people. They can read people's minds. They have a unique power that once they get older they simlpy lose it, this power make them able to sense people..able to tell wether that person is good inside or bad. You may wonder how would I know stuff like that? I'm no longer a child..I know that! and I didn't read sychological books; but I used to be a child once. I've been there and I still strongly remember-if not all- almost all of the things that happened to me when I was a child. I remember good stuff and bad stuff_gratefull to Allah there weren't many_ and I remember good people I met during my childhood..and most of them aren't with me today. I remember what a child would love most, what would miss most, what would hate most, what would REMEMBER most. Simple they are..in their wishes and interests. Pure they are.. almost angels..angels who recognize angels. When I was an angel, I was blessed enough to recognize an angelic adult, who happened to be my Uncle's friend. I was five or 6, didn't quite understand my father's apsense; and though I couldn't care less, I was simple. So, I guess the interence of that angelic person into my life was a big gift from Allah, that would make it all up for me..and I just automatically saved him as my only precious memory from the past. He didn't do great stuff to me, he was Simply doing simple stuff to a simple creature. Hanging with me at the funfair,Softly holding my little hands, Surprising me on each visit with a candy, or driving me to the ice-cream store. Regular adults wouldn't get it, get that children only recieve simple stuff with worm touch. So now as I became an adult., I remeber those good memories that One Person caused it to me. It's just amazing how a simple thing can lead on big memories that will go on with you for the rest of your life! As I remeber him, I pray for his soul to rest in peace. I pray for him each time I have those flashbacks. Let's just appreciate children a bit more. Let's do good stuff to them with keeping it simple. Just remember that they are simple, they don't demand anything! they can be happy with only dedicating a few hours a week to play with them, a few moments a day to tell them how loved they are. Just put yourselves in their shoes and ask yourselves what would you like to have if you are a child back again? For those good people that left me in this world..I will always keep you in my heart and mind. I'll always have those nights where I wake up from sleeping and think about you and how I miss you now. I'll always pray Allah to gather me with you again in Heaven in sha Allah..and we'll reunite

The other day I had a heated discussion between me and my sister. I was telling her about whom I wish to marry..and I've explained that I don't wish a rich guy or a handsome one_though I don't mind one hehehe ^_^ _ but what I wish for my future husband is to be educated with a profound job; as a college professor or a dentist. I just flappergaste over those smart guys!! and my sister then argued me asking: " so you like old men ?!" and I was disappointed of my sister's question; coz I really don't think that a person have to be old so he/she can be smart !! " I don't mind older men...but that's not my point anyway! I said I like smart guys" then she stated that to have a partner who's that highly educated and seems to be class..then you should improve yourself so you both be equal. I didn't understand so I asked what does she mean? then she explained that I have to deserve someone like him. To tell you the truth, I never knew my sister's point of view about me..I thought that everyone in my family admires me coz I'm really proud of myself since I'm excellent at college and that I can speak English and I feel that I'm not like some of the girls who are only interested in the shallow stuff. I counted to her every single thing about me that I believe make me qualified to be the wife of HIM, but she was still arguing me that I'm not ready enough to have a smart guy and that I'm not highly educated yet. I know that we don't get everything we wish, and I know I might marry someone who's absolutely the opposite of my dream guy..but there is a saying that in other words means: you are big if you wish big :) So at the end, our discussion went on a dead end but it did help me alot to understand that you have to work hard on yourself and never say that I'm good already. I wish you people to be ambitious as much as you can and never give up your dreams at the same time

The photos that are for my topic "About Every Guy I liked

"1" Yamapi


"2" Lee Junki



"3" Shige

"4" Kusano

"5" Nickhun

"6" G&M

"7" Dong Hae

"8" Lee Teok

for Tego and Aibs I couldn't upload their photos

and Nickhun Video was too big so! you can watch it on Youtube under Nickhun crying over the children in Starking Show

SORRY

about every guy I liked~

The photos are up there^ I couldn't upload them on the same page

Interesting topic hah? hahah...Well I had the thoughts of writing about my ideal guy; but I just couldn't figure out what should I talk about? and these days I'm slowly discovering my real personality..and I have concluded that there are aint no guy gonna put up with me!! I mean ..I'm just being truthful! don't go too far with your imagination, I'm muslim and I don't go out and we muslims do not have any realationships before marriage which is the right way to live a clean life far away from committing sins. However, from my behavior at home I can predict what kind of wife I'll be in the future? with my so many flaws..I ride my plane and fly to another planet. The planet of my ideal future husband(s). Since I'm a big fan of Asian dramas, especially Korean and

Japanese ones, my ideal future husband is going to be one of these handsome actors and singers

Pic 1 => the first photo is for Yamapi and he's a Japanese actor and singer and a group member of News. He was my first crush, even though he was not my first Japanese actor I've ever seen. Actually my first Japanese drama was Boys over flowers_the Japanese version_. Yamapi could be my ideal husband because he's handsome, and he's really a hard worker, he always put all of his effort to succeed in any work wich really amaze me! and his lovely realationship with his Mom and how he tries to make her live happily, PLUS he has suffered from the absense of his father wich makes me feel related to him since I have the same problem ^-^

Pic2=> I didn't abandoned Yamapi :D BUT I just fell in love with another actor, and guyzzzzzz !! this is real cuz I really wished that I would have a husband who's like him in certain ways..He's the Korean actor and singer Lee Junki ! WHO DOESN'T HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM

?????????

First time I saw this guy was in the Korean drama My Girl

He wasn't that hot when I first saw him, but later with more photos of him on the Internet I SIMPLY COULDN'T BARE THAT HANDSOMENESS !!!!!!

With more reading about him, I found out that he's just so down to earth and he's kind-hearted and I even saw his photos of his trip with little orphans..you can see from the way he holds them that he's so kind-hearted. that photo of him holding the orphan is what made me like him even more. So,my husband must be kind and good-hearted just like Junki. In an interview with him that I've seen on Youtube, he was asked what his wish for New Year of 2009 would be? " I drink alot when I'm alone, and I wish that I quit drinking this year..it's just that I drink alot when I'm off-work, but when I'm acting I don't drink brcause I'm too busy to be SAD!"he answered. You can check what he litterally said on YouTube. That confession was so tauchie that I liked him even more. In Islam there's no drinking. If you drink then you have to redeem yourself by simply quitting alcohole and praying to Allah to forgive you. In Islam drinking is a sin because it flips the mind and the drunk person may commit a crime while not sensing anything which will lead to corruption. BUT I have this simpathy towards him and it's coming from Islam principles which asks us to be simpathatic towards people even if they commit sins and never abandon them so they wouldn't commit even bigger sins. This is why I'm having this positive attitude towards people in all kinds

Pic3=> From News I also liked Shige alooooooot, especially the moment Koyama talked about his trip with him to the U.S and how he was such a good friend and all that. I laughed sooo much when he mentioned their awkward story at their suite in the hotel, where they had to sleep in one bed, putting a big pillo in the middle between them !!! Oh Allah ! that was hillarious....I also couldn't stop thinking about him when he and his group members went out to drink and then he started to cry..saying that he loves them so much! boy~ that was so adorable =>>>why do I always have stories about drunk men !!!!! hahaha

pic4=>> Speaking of drunk men, this forth guy over here is a member of Arashii, a Japanese band, his name is Aiba..and he's just hillarious..just love to hear his funny stories!! even though I have this sense that he's not that cute at home..I don't know why..maybe coz he acts serious sometimes. Like your future husband is going to be funny 24/7 ?!DON'T KNOW WHY I'M

BEING LIKE THAT

Aiba, Oh Aiba..I really liked your funny stories and how you manage your embarrasing situations! like that funny story of you being slapped on the face by a stranger at the subway-train !! and agian going back to the drinking thing..he had the same story of Shige from News, he went out with his group members to drink and he gotten so drunk that he started to cry saying that he's thankful to Tokyo having brought all the members from different cities together into one band. So, I found that adorable too ^_^

pic 5=>> Tegoshi from News, the cuttest guy ever, that was before knowing two other even cutter guys i'll mention them next, he's just so adorable. I have to admit that I've mistaken him with a girl in his drama My hero My boss

and that was my first time meeting him. Youtube is such a dear friend! I have been able to get to know about all of them only through YT. The moment I liked him was when he spoke openly about his opinion about the members of his group and he was just so spontaneous in his interviews..the moment where he told Rio that he's happy that Rio's attitude has gotten softer with him and he mentioned one particular incident.. I was just blewn away! I like guys who are just spontaneous and outgoing. That's what I'd like to see also in my future husband

^_^

pic6 =>> Kusano Hironory ! Simply loved him from the moment on his famous cut: where he was asked to repeat a sentence with awkward vioce..he's such a cuttie !!! Even my MOM who critisize me alot about my hobbies, admitted that he's sooooooooooo adorable on that cut! I even saw her staring at him..just amazed! BUT I feel sorry for him for being kicked out of News and I truly wish we could see him agian on the screen coz he's soooo talented at dancing. But again, it was the drinking issue that got him into trouble. For the ones who are interested in watching his videos..you can check them out on YouTube.

pic7=>> this guy I should've left him for the end since he's my RECENT ideal husband, but CAN'T WAIT TO TELL YOU ABOUT HIM . He's the cuttest of the cuttest of the cuttest ...ect. that I've ever fell in love with. He's Nickhun from 2pm the Korean band.Though he's half Thai half Chinese, he learned Korean and was discovered at LA while the korean song Festivle. His baby-face cutness is what captures every girl sees him, but what captured me was

when I saw him on Starking Show bursting into tears and just lost control over himself at the scene of a gifted band made of blind children..it was really nerve-breaking..but it's him and his tenderness that I wish I would find in my future husband..I've downloaded a video from YouTube that contains the part where he loses control over himself. Although he's only 21 you feel like you're watching a 25 or 28 year old guy! it's amazing how he's that mature

pic8=>> before Nickhun there were a few ideal guys that I liked..among them Golf and Mike , the Thai brothers, they are singers and they are just soooo awsome!! I was confused between them at the beginning but later I was able to differentiate..and I did..alot~ I like Mike alot from the moment I saw him crying in an interview, you can also check that on YouTube under Golf&Mike crying. The cut is not subbed unfortunately, but I have checked Google and the reason why they were crying is that because the presenter asked them about thei childhood, and they didn't have a normal one coz they were forced to leave their friends and their school to work in the music industery. Mike is the one who cried, golf was conforting him at the beginning but soon he joined his brother and they both lost control on themselves. I don't like eo see someone cry..I even couldn't stop crying with them..but it's just that in life you meet so many fake people that you just wish to see someone wh's true and have deep emotions inside. This way life is more safe to me. That's how I'd like to imagine my future husband. Being sensetive, but not overly sensetive

pic9 =>> Dong Hae from the Korean band Super Junior. I think it you watched their Super Adonis Reality show on youtube, especially when Dong Hae was so close to one of the orphans. The part where he said that he dream of being married and having kids even though he was only 21 is just a catching part to me. When I little, I had a similar experience just like that young orphan had with Don Hae; that's why may be I find myself more leaning onto guys from that type.

pic10=>> Recently and because of Starking Show, I've been liking this guy soooo much. He's Lee Teok from Super Junoir. He's just the type of funny guys. Not all funny people are funny. This guys is naturally funny but not overwhelmingly funny. He's handsome to the point where I find myself starring at his face on the screen to make sure hasn't he done any PS ?? He remind of an old friend that I had in highschool..he even lookes like her a bit..they have similar funny reactions towards things. I like about him that he's a hard worker at the same time and it's obvious since he's the leader of the group

Lastly, the flight over there..to where my IN-YOUR-DREAM ideal husbands is just a long one that I apologize for not being able to make it to the reality show ^_^ after seeing those guys who would ever wanna come back!!! So I'd only hope that Ive made my mind clear about my type of guy to be my future husband..just to share that with you so you may find something helpful about your wished and dreams about your future partner, and hope that you enjoyed reading it

_____________________
Salam= means peace

My Obsession

Ever since I was a little girl, I had a crush towards foreign languages. English was the first language that cought my attention. Public schools at that time didn't offer English classes for the students. Private schools did, but there were few students who were interested in learning another language. I was among those who liked to learn English. I remember that moment where I just started to glow in English, and that probably what made me popular at English classes- it was when I found a musical movie for kids in English. I remember that song, my first English song, in that musical cartoon video the girl was playing the piano and her lovely brown cat was dancing around on " You & me tog~ther we'll be..fore~ver you'll see..We two~ can be good company..You & me". Soon I've memorized that song, I went to my teacher and told her that I can sing an English song. She was surprised I guess but however..right when I sang in front of the whole class, I saw the proud look on her eyes~ It was my peak moment. After that my English teacher introduced my skills in singing in English to the whole school..and boy~ at least there was something I'm good at !! I was just 10 years or so at that time. From there and then, I knew that my future is going to be built up on that. At high school, I forgot about it and just focused on my wish to get to the Business College at King Saud University _ KSU- not really knowing that I'll be studying English Literature at the same universirty. It's amazing how my life one way or the other revolves about English and about learning languages. Now that I'm at an O.K level in English..I plan to improve my skills a bit more so I master it perfectly, then I'll move on to another language. My obsession about learning othere languages I think comes from

me wanting to communicate with the world. Like I need the world to hear me . Being able to speak more than two languages is just great, and it's even greater when you take advantage of that talent in a good way. Now that I have already fallin in love with Asian dramas, I feel that it's

going to be easy in sha Allah to learn Japanese or chinese someday. To leave you with a good spirit about my topic: do you think that it's good for the mind to learn more than two languages? is it going to be helpful for the learner in his life? since these are my two unanswered questions after an exciting discussion that I had yesterday with my uncle..who speaks three languages but at the same time argue that it is not always good for the mind's health,

About love

IT's what make it all ok..it's what add the flavor to it..It's LOVE. Yesterday was a usual Ramadan day..My mom was making our Iftar _the meal muslims have after fasting_ and I helped preparing the table..My two nieces were playing around trying to miss it all up which makes me really angry but...HEY! it's Ramadan. Even though it was a usual day, I've noticed that it was among those days where you just appreciate love more than anytime before. Having everything..plus having love..is what made my yesterday extraordinary! The story is that our relatives came to pay us a visit after the Iftar...It was actaully my sick sister who's been the reason behind their visit. Nothing fancy..just drunk our Arabic coffee and had some cake..but it all started right after our guests were leaving. We wanted to have dinner together..so I called my uncle who was going out anyway to buy us some dinner..and my mom asked me to pay for it, so I did. Our guests then apologized saying that it's already a pleasure to see each other and that we don't have to order dinner..so they left while my uncle was coming home with the dinner..the dinner that costed me a fortune!! I felt really down coz it was alot and there are not enough people to eat that all up hehehehe ! Now that I'm typing it down..I remember my uncle's reaction: He was seriosly sorry for my wasted money..I was depressed enough to beg him joining us to the table hahaha ! He just gave me that lovely look..and sat down on the chair saying that "you're doing us a favor by gathering us on this table"

and so I couldn't feel sorry for all that. I just felt love. After that, my family were histerical, we just couldn't stop laughing over the silliest stuff. It's only this Ramadan which brought us all together. Late that night, where everyone's gone to sleep..I kept watching Korea TV till this morning, and there was Starking Show on the same channel_comic show_ where they bring celebrities and gifted people to eventaully choose who's the most creative contastant. During the show, the Korean band "Super Jonior" seemed to be more like brothers than co-workers. It's the body language between them that show you how much they feel like they are one unit as brothers more than as co-workers! it's amazing how love can relate people together. So, at the end I'd like to remind myself of everything Allah have been giving me..Love is among the greatest gifts..it's what make me feel

alive

Ramadan

Here we are fasting Ramadan in 2009 ..hope all muslims fast well and that their work will be accepted by Allah. Ramadan is a sacred month, in wich all muslims must fast. The fasting starts right before sunrise and ENDS at sunset. In other words: muslims fast in Ramadan the whole day. At night there is of course no fasting :) Fasting one month a year is an important condition to be a muslim.Fasting_no eating no drinking for a whole day_ is proved to be having great effects on the body, beside this: fasting in the religion of Islam implies alot of soul treatment. Spirituality is among the wonderful results of fasting. When muslims fast, they gather with their families on the table after fasting. They make sure to do good things to people as much as they can so Allah would be even more pleased. They donate food and goodies to poor people. From my perspective as a young muslim girl: I feel really calm at Ramadan..it's like a month of soul training. In other words, after Ramadan I believe that it's really important to help poor people especially with food. When I can't eat nor drink I can truly feel how poor people would suffer from hunger , like what happens in Africa and other poor areas in the world

After experiencing what is it like to be poor with absolutely nothing to eat..all muslims then have a chrity celebration wich they call "Eid" in wich they must donate a certain amount of their money to buy rice and sugar and other stuff to give it away. The amount is not that much but it can have a great impact on poor people; if a muslim have 10 thousand dollars in his credit card; then the amount of the give away money would be 2000 dollar only. At Eid, everyone is happy. All rich and all poor...coz they are all brothers and sisters under Islam

.........................................

This is a short video of muslims from all around the world breaking their fast together in the holy Kaaba(The Holy Mosque) and the backround is the Azan which is The Call for the prayer after breaking the fast

..

الترتيب

ياكرهي للترتيب :(

ترتيب الدولاب...ترتيب الصاله...ترتيب الايميلات (حذفها لأني مب Gmail) وغيرهم من انواع الترتيب

أتنرفز منهااااااااااااااا

________________________________

ياكرهي للحوسة :(

حوسة الغرفه...حوسة الصالة...حوسة البزران في العزايم..وغيرهم من انواع الحوسه

________________________________

8

8

8

8

8

ادري موضوعي رهيب مره..بس مدونتي وبكيفي هع

الحلم

حلمت فيك امس نفس الحلم اللي دايم اشوفك فيه.

المكان اللي دايم اشوفك فيه ياحبيبي..في حلمي.

حلمت ان افتراقنا صار شي اكيد..واني انتميت بعدك لقلب ثاني.

وانك تسحبني من يديني..وتهمس في آذاني بكلام ماقدرت افهـمه..وتحاول تهرب بي لمكان بعيد.

تحاول تقنعني أغير نهايتنا..وانا احاول اقنعك ان نهايتنا شي مكتوب.

وكنت تقول انك بتقدم لي كل شي اتمناه..وانك بتكون انسان صالح.

وانا اضحك وعيوني يملاها الدمع..واقول توك؟!

وكل هذا بالحلم..الحلم اللي ملامحه ماتغيرت..مثلك.

ياحبيبي اللي ماتغّير..كم مره قلت لك ان نهايتنا شي مكتوب؟ أحبــــــــك للأبد لو ما انكتب لنا نكون سوا...

مدينة الملاهي (خاطرة)

رأيتك اليوم..ذلك المشهد وأنت تقف هناك..ممسك بيد أخي الصغير، وكلاكما مشغول بالألعاب الترفيهية وتلك التذاكر التي كانت بيدك.. سألتك ذلك السؤال من بعيد..ولم يشغلك أي شيء عني..وقمت بإجابتي فورا..حينما كان لا أحد في العالم يسمعني..

انتهى المشهد..بدأت أستوعب ان جهازي المحمول يهتف..وصوته متداخل بأصوات مدينة الملاهي الترفيهية تلك.

انتهى كل شيء..هيا لنبدأ العمل بجدية..انها الحياة..

التي ربما لا نرغبها!

شباب وشابات اليوم

ياااخي وش اقول وش احتسي بس !! والله العظيم أثلجوا ضلوعي !! =>>> هي مب أثلجوا صدري؟ خخخ

دخلت منتدى الجامعه وقعدت احوس في قسم الاداب...دخلت موضوع...وماشدني فيه اكثر شي الا توبكات الاعضاء والعضوات. إما النك نيم او التوبك. تلقى كلمات رائعه يكتبها الكثير منهم مثل: "يارب يسر أمري" و "يارب اسعدني بالدنيا والاخرة" وكثثثثير ادعيه تحسسك بإن فيه شباب وشابات ماشا الله عليهم قريبين من ربي كثير..وانا مو بس انبسط اذا شفت كلام زي كذا !! اتشقق واطيررررر واحس براحه نفسيه انه فيه ناس كويسين بالدنيا.

كمان فيه شي ثاني: العدل وقول الحق شفته كثيرررر في البنات من خلال تعليقاتهم في دكتورات درسوهم، بالرغم من علامة الـ D أو حتى علامة الـ F اللي ياخذونها، تلقونهم مايقولون في الدكتورة الا الحق ! والصدق وبس.

الصدق في القول، من أطيب الاعمال. صاحب هذه الخصله يسمونه " أمين". ومين مايحب يقتدي بالرسول "الامين" اللهم صلي وسلم عليه؟
___________________________________
جامعة الملك سعود، بطلابها وطالباتها، احب اقول لكم: انا كلي فخر اني منكم وفيكم! والله يكثر من أمثال طلابكم وطالباتكم اللي فيهم مثل هذه الخصال الطيبة.

وخلصت الاجازة :)

الاجازة هذه فعلا فعلا نعمة بكل ماللكلمة من معنى !! =>> خخخخخ

مع انها قصيرة ومرت بسرعه وماسافرنا اي مكان رغم التخطيطات، بس مره ارتحت من الضغوط اللي كانت علي بسبب الاختبارات.

احلا يوم في الاجازة هو اليوم !! يوم الخميس اللي هو قبل يوم الجمعه اللي هو اخر يوم قبل الدراسه :) =>>> يووه انواع القلق خخخ

بس اليوم كل الناس طلعوا يتمشون ويشترون اغراض المدارس ووو الخ ولكن انا الوحيده اللي اختارت تقعد في البيت :) أونس قرار قررته في هالاجازة...شفت اليوم 3 افلام واحد منهم شفته قبل بس مررره حلو وكللهم حلوين مررره. وكلهم من النوع المفضل لدي واللي هو الكوميدي الرومانسي :)

صار لي اليوم بالنهار موقف مرعب...اكتشفت اني متأثره بالافلام خخخخخخخخخخخخ باين من تفاعلي مع الموقف اني متأثرة بالافلام اللي اشوفها مررررررررررررررررررررره هههههههه =>>>تنقد على نفسها :)

الموقف هو: اليوم اول ماقمت اكتشفت انه مافي موية في البيت ولا ادري وش المشكلة بس دايم الخزان عندنا يفضى من فتره لفتره...الله يكرمكم لمن دخلت الباثروم :) رحت اشيك على الدش بشوف اذا فيه مويه ولمن شفته انه مافي مويه تركته مفتوح و رميت الدش في البانيو على اساس انه مايرش موية اساسا. المهم مر الوقت بعدها "طول النهار لاحظوا" يعني حوالي 4 ساعات =>>>هذا طول النهار خخخخ يعني اقصد طول النهار اللي كنت صاحيه فيه من النوم (اقوم متأخر) ! بعد 4 ساعات تقريبا دخلت الباثروم وماشفت الا نافورة موية!!

قلبي طاح في كراعيني :( خصوصا ان هالنافورة تنطلق باتجاه السخان والكهرب ! تعرفون جتني الرجفه بس الحلو فيني ما اصارخ ابد. رحت على طول صكرت الدش وانتبهت اني حافيه Yuuuuuuk خخخخخ

__________________________________

مع اني ماحب برنامج اميركان ايدول بس اليوم جت فتره ماطلع شي ع التلفزيون فقلت خليني اجل اشوفه: اعجبني اكثر شي تعليق سايمون على اثنين من المتسابقين " اللي انا بصراحه اعجبني صوتهم" ...قال لهم: " انتوا تبون تنجحون؟ لازم تقدمون شي مستحيل الناس ينسونه!" بمعنى انه الواحد اذا يبي يسلك طريق في حياته أيا كان هذا الطريق، لازم يشد حيله قد مايقدر ويبهر الناس كلهم في أدائه عشان يصير أدائه حاجه مستحيل الناس ينسونه! You have to make it unforgetable

From my so broken heart

It is this way: one night you feel miserable and depressed..you feel kinda wanna desappear! The next morning you simply feel the opposite; you realize that you must keep on going as long as the sun shine through in your room

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

As long as I work and see the results; i'm happy !! As long as my family and love ones are happy; then my job is done

++++++++++++++++++++++++

We are on this planet for the purposes of worshipping God, then, do good things for ourselves and other people

++++++++++++++++++++++++

الترجمـــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــــة:

• إنما الحال كذلك: في إحدى الليالي تشعر بإنك تعيس ومحبط وتتمنى لو تختفي من على وجه هذه الارض ! ولكن في الصباح الباكر يحدث العكس وتستوعب بإنه يجب عليك الاستمرار طالما لاتزال أشعة الشمس تنير غرفتك!
• طالما أنني أرى حصيلة تعبي ومجهودي رغم صعوبة العمل، فأنا سعيدة! طالما أهلي وأحبابي سعداء، فقد انتهى واجبي!
• نحن هنا على هذا الكوكب لنعبد الله كما ينبغى لجلاله، ثم لنعامل أنفسنا وغيرنا من البشر بالحسنى.

______________________________

شاركوني أفراحي!!

لو أبي أوصف لكم سعادتي هاليومين ماراح أقدر!

ربي أنعم علي "دفعه واحده" خلال يومين..حيث ان يوم الاربعا هو يوم ميلادي الـ 20 احم احم =>>> احيانا ودي انسى خخخخخ

والنعمة الثانيه هي نتائجي ولله الحمد نااااجحة ابشركم !! واجتمعوا هالشيئين في يوم واحد..لكن ما قدرنا نحتفل أمس..فقررنا نؤجلها لليوم..

عاد اليوم انواااع الوناسه أحس اني في حلم..ماني مصدقه انه رغم كل اللي مريت فيه هذاني واقفة انفخ شمعتي والناس يصوروني ويحتفلون معي !! اهلي كللهم اجتمعوا "عائلتي فقط طبعا" وكلنا صورنا سوا وقعدنا نستهبل وبصراحه مرره كان وناسة!

الغريب انه كل العائلة الكريمة خلال هالاسبوع قدموا لي هدايا وفاجئوني كثير..حتى ان ولد خالي أهداني منتدى مصممه بنفسه خخخ

ياناس احبهم ربي يخليهم لي وه بس =>>> ذابت الاخت من الدلع خخخ

________________________________________________

قاعده اشيك على آراء الناس في دكاترة جامعتنا..كلما مريت على اسم إلا ما ألقى احد ذمه في شي معين..مافي دكتور كامل -ووجه الله الكامل- إلا استاذه "رنا أبو حسان" ..استاذه رنا عمري ماشفت لا دكتورة ولا "انسانة" زيك..وان كاني شايفة..فإنتي وإياهم من النوااادر.

نحلم بالنهايات الجميلة رغم أنانيتنا ببداياتنا الخلابة :(

خلينا نعطي الحياه فرصه

ادري اني صايرة هالايام سلبيه وحزني احيانا واضح في كلماتي اللي انثرها هنا وهناك على هذه المدونة..احيانا ودي اسحب مواضيعي كلها اللي تبين مشاعري هنا..بس احس وش الفايده؟ وش الفايده اذا كان الهدف اساسا هو طرح افكاري والتعبير عن مشاعري خلال هذه المدونة! لكن المشكلة اني هالترم بالذات متحطمه نفسيا بسبب اشياء كثير حصلت معاي هالفتره..بس اتوقع ان شا الله انها فتره وتعدي مثلها مثل اللي قبلها مو؟ مافي شي يبقى على حاله مثلما يقولون.

عموما موضوعي هو "خلينا نعطي الحياه فرصه" حتى اني خليته توبكي في المسن..رغم اني للآن أشعر بالحزن والخوف والفراغ..وكلها للأسف بسبب شي واحد..إلا أنني دايم ولله الحمد بفضل من الله محظوظة بالايام الحلوة اللي تتخلل كآبتي. احيانا من اقوم من النوم احس انه اليوم بيكون يوم حلو مع اني لسه ماجربته؟خخخخ بس هذا الشي ألهمني لكتابة موضوعي:

الحياه اساسا هي كذا..لازم كل فتره وفتره يجرب الانسان فيها بعض المصاعب والازمات سواء النفسيه او العاطفيه او الماديه وغيرها واحيانا تجي كلها دفعه واحده..بس الحلو فيها انها تروح مره واحده :)

بس لابد الانسان..انه يتفكر في الكون..وفي ابداع خالق الكون..ويسأل نفسه: الرب اللي أبدع في خلق السماء..ولونها بألوان خلابه على اختلاف الاوقات"نهار ليل شروق غروب..الخ" ورسم عليها الغيوم بأشكال غريبه وابداعيه..وزخرفها بالنجوم البراقه..الرب اللي سوا كل هذا..هل يعقل انه غير قادر على شفاء جروحنا؟؟ والجواب هو: "حتما هو قادر سبحانه القادر على كل شي" !!

لنفرض انك كنت امس مبسوط لآخر درجه..بس اليوم عندك مشكلة وتواجه ازمة نفسيه وتحس باكتئاب وان الدنيا شوي وتنهار فوق راسك..وتقول آآخ لو يكون اليوم مثل امس! مافكرت انه فيه شي فريد في هالسالفه؟ انه مثلما تغير حالك من امس لليوم..انه ممكن كمان بكرا يتغير حالك؟ وتصير افضل ؟ وش اللي يثبت لي بدليل قاطع انه بكرا بيكون نفس اليوم؟!

اللحظات الحلوة بحياتنا..ترى احنا نقدر نكونها..نقدر نسويها..نقدر نتمناها ونقدر نخليها تتحقق!

فرضا: اذا كان لديك صديق مقرب..واشغلتك الحياه عنه..واشغلته عنك..وودك تخلق لحظة حلوة بحياتك؟ ممكن مثلا تفاجئه بهدية وتسوي شي ممتع معاه وتطلعون لقضاء يوم كامل سوا..او حتى تعزمه على غداء!

او اذا كانت علاقتك مع اهلك شوي ضعيفه..الكل في البيت منشغل ولاهي بشغله..وودك تكوّن لحظة حلوة بحياتك؟ ممكن تفاجيء امك بقبله على رأسها..وترمي ورده على حضنها..وتهمس بإذنها دعوة "الله يطول بعمرك"..اصلا شوف الدعاوي اللي بتجيك منها..وشوف الاجر العظيم من ربي..وممكن تعزم اهلك على عشاء..او تفاجئهم في البيت بعشاء طلبيه..وتلمهم كلهم على السفره! يعني من جد ياناس ترانا احنا نقدر نخلق لحظاتنا الخاصه والحلوة في حياتنا مع احبابنا واصحابنا!!

اذا حسيت بالفراغ..لازم تملأ وقتك باللحظات الحلوة..سوي اي شي fun اي شي ممتع !! ويكون أمتع اكثر لو كان مع شخص تحبه..

اما بالنسبه للفراغ العاطفي..فما أدري وش الحل له؟ بس عموما لازم تملأ فراغك بكل شي مفيد وممتع بشرط ألا يكون طبعا محرم او من هذا القبيل خخخ =>>اهم شي اخر جمله هههههههههه

واذا حسيت بالحزن..فاسأل مجرب..انا لو قعدت طول الوقت في غرفتي افكر في الناس اللي افتقدهم او في السبب اللي خلاني أحس بالحزن أيا كان..كان صدق ماقدرت أتغلب على حزني..مع اني للآن ماتغلبت..بس فيه فرق كبير لمن تكون حزين وقاعد مع ناس..وحزين وصاك على عمره في غرفته خخخخ الثاني طبعا أشد وأقوى ولا انصحك فيه.

اما اذا حسيت بالخوف..من اي شي كان صغير أم كبير..اي مسأله بحياتك سببت لك خوف..فالدعاء الخفي بينك وبين ربك.."اللهم آمنا من كل خوف" سوف يشعرك بالأمان..لأنك عارف ان ربك معاك ..وانه بيحميك طول الوقت.

اتمنى لكم وادعي ربي يملأ حياتي وحياتكم بالسعاده والأمان والحب للأبد...

_______________________________________

الحياه حلوه للأبد